| What a great weekend |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|10:03 pm] |
So this weekend I drove over 1000 miles and got to spend like 3 days with Bethany woot woot!
I spent Thursday night in Des Moines and then we drove like 6 hours on Friday to Paris, IL for her family reunion. All in all it was pretty fun, like half her family is within 8 years of my age, which is weird to me, but cool once we move up from the "kids" group to the "young married couples group". After spending time with her and her family though, I really feel like stepping up the pace - which I know counters everything I've always thought, but hell I graduate in 4 months so why not? Its just a matter of logistics really ;-)!!!
This weekend will be fun-filled too. Friday I'm going up to Des Moines for the Iowa State Fair and to see Brad Paisley and Sara Evans in concert. Saturday I work (my last day at Stadium woot woot!!) Jessica will be coming through town on Sunday and then its the start of I-week for Pi Kappa Phi.
The last part of August is just so freakin-awesome. Between this coming weekend, then I-week and then the beginning of school, the Missouri Push Bike Ride and the Welcome Back Bash, plus everyone coming back into town - its just going to kick major ass!
This wasn't as long as I thought it would be, but oh well, I've updated. |
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| What I've learned from this summer |
[Aug. 3rd, 2005|10:05 pm] |
I'm taking this from Steph's LJ
Starting with non-work stuff:
Don't go 70 mph on an interstate in the rain with bald tires - you'll get scared out of your life
See the previous post about Bob
I need to set my priorities in life (in the process of)
From Work
High Schoolers suck - i like them, but they do
HSers have way to much drama
Again - don't date co-workers to many examples to list.
I've learned to say no a lot more
I'm getting a stiffer backbone when it comes to whining employees
I'm not sure if the causal-quick segment of the industry is what I want to do
Look out for myself - then others
Don't flip out all the time - I'll end up looking like an ass.
And on a side note - people aren't always who they seem and of course people change. I had a friend who was completely awesome - got involved in a fucked up relationship and now they have changed into a person I almost can't stand. Its sad, but true - I hope they come back to the person they were, because this new person blows in my opinion, they are being corrupted by this relationship and I'm not the only one who feels this way about it, but we've almost all given up on trying to talk to them. I know people don't always stay friends, but it sucks and what are you suppose to do, just let it happen? Bullshit.
Tomorrow I get to see Bethany for the weekend and then I'm large and incharge almost all next week, Woo!
Peace out Homies! |
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| Continuing from my last post |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|11:37 pm] |
So I went to Bob's funeral today and I realized a lot about myself, but first I want to say that I've learned a lot about a great man in the past week. I had no idea how active he was or anything about him really, but he's added to my list of people that I want to be like when I "grow up" - as corny as that sounds.
The preachers kept talking about Bob and his priorities - God, Family, Friends, Work and then everything else. I've always had things on my list - but I guess its never been in that order and it should be. I'm seriously trying to work out my faith issues - and first and foremost is getting back into the Bible. Hearing how dedicated his whole family was, and how intimate his daughters were with the scriptures really blew me away. Thats the first step I think - is reading the Bible and listening to what God wants of me, how else am I suppose to get to know Him?
This entire time I keep thinking about the future - about a family - about how things have gone in my family and although I'm scared I might end up like my father at times, I can't wait for the day that my children are born. I realize it won't be for a while, but seeing people at work and friends who are having babies, its just sorta contagious I guess.
Anyway, today has been a major lesson to me. My heart and prayers go out to Bob's family and all of his friends, he truely was a man who touched many people's lives in a positive and uplifting way. |
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| Mortality and the Future |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|02:00 am] |
So due to some recent events I've been questioning a lot of stuff about life. I'll start with the events and then to the questions.
Tuesday while heading to the Royals game I had been dieing to see, I just about flipped my car on I-70. I'm guessing I was hydroplaning (it was raining) and spun around a few times, once across the westbound lane, then about 2 or 3 times in the grass median. Needless to say I almost crapped myself.
Another - my big boss passed away this week. He had an accident and hit his head - he had surgery but I guess it didn't do much good and he was brain dead. They pulled the plug the next evening. It was hard seeing a lot of the people who know him well react so emotionally. Thats something I've "un-developed" I think - the lack of hard-core emotional response to death. It doesn't bother me, because well, everyone dies - but still its a sad event and my prayers go out to his family. I kinda know his daughters and this is about the same time in their life when I found my dad - right before their senior year of high school - so I can relate somewhat.
Ok - so between these two events I've really been questioning my spirituality, my mortality and my "legacy" if you will. Yes I know I'm 22 I don't have much of a legacy to have left behind, but you never know when you're going to die and its a comforting thought that people won't look back on you as a giant douche (like some we all know!) With questions about mortality come questions about spirituality and the after-life and all that. My thoughts on the subject are so varied its crazy - and its because I'm so non-committal to one side or the other.
I could very easily imagine living a very devout life, following the "rules" and all that - but at the same time I can see myself in a secular world doing very secular things not all of which follow the "rules" of morality. So whats the point in saying you believe something when you only want to believe in part of it? Its like - Yeah I'm going to heaven because I trust in God, but I'm going to still rape and kill and all that jazz too - it doesn't add up. No one seems to want to be devout anymore (hence the reason the Catholic Church is having major issues with priests and nuns in America) - its just everyone wants to have it their way - not God's way.
So - to bring this all to a point - I've been looking at my church and I'm coming to some conclusions that I'm not comfortable with. First I don't feel as if I've been spiritually nurtured as a young adult/college student. Some of this is my fault seeing as I've dropped off the face of the planet with Church since I've been in school - but there have been times in my life where I feel as if I can feel God with me - and its never been with a UMC event (save maybe one or two). So this brings me to a point where I feel like I should look for a new church - something that I'm not looking forward to. Don't get me wrong I believe in God and I've grown up with the whole Trinity idea - but sometimes I think that it might work better another way - which I won't get into here, but needless to say its throwing a wrench into everything.
So with all this morality talk I've been thinking about the future. I can't wait really to graduate and start working - even if I stick around at McD's its all good for a while, or there are other paths I can pursue. But I can't wait really to start a family - because thats the real legacy you leave behind, I'm just so scared that things won't go "right," but who knows?
But I do know that a lot of my issues from earlier in the summer are done with. I faced some of them tonight and I feel completely fine - its as if they've disappeared, which is sad (not sure if thats the right word?) for what could have been - but its not and I'm more than happy with life as it is. I'm ready to start my last undergrad semester and I'm ready to get my life rolling out - because I don't know how much time I have left, and I want to use it as best I can.
Josh |
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| Happy Death Day to You |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|02:56 am] |
So - it was 5 years ago today, 5 years and 7 and a half hours from now that I found my dad. July 14th was a day I had to grow up, and fast. I still play the what-if game about that day, what if I had gone over earlier?, called the night before?, gotten out of bed and talked to him before he left?
The one thing that won't ever leave my mind is his eyes - they were black as night.
At least I know his suffering here is done, his lessons were taught and passed down, I just hope I haven't let him down.
Today is going to be a shitty day I can tell, don't bother me unless your name is Bethany. |
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| Monday! and Tuesday |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
So Monday was amazing. Bethany and I met up and went to Worlds of Fun. Imagine WoF like almost totally empty, because it was, i think the longest we waited in line was maybe 3 minutes for any one ride. We had a tasty little picnic lunch that her mom made, and then went through the park and rode all the big rides!!! She looked so beautiful (I know you're reading it babe, but its true). She was like a bronze goddess and splashes of freckles tossed across her arms and chest. After Worlds of Fun, we went to Oak Park mall in time to miss the movie, haha, so we went walking through the mall and looked about. We stopped by a few jewerly stores and looked at rings, so I could get an idea for later on ;-) !!!! Then we went to rainforest cafe, which was awesome! We ran into Chip, who was a friend from a while ago and talked to him for a bit and then we walked through the mall somemore and got some ice-cream. Finally we went back to where her car was and had to say goodbye after hugging in the parking lot for like 30 minutes. There was a guy working who was cleaning the lot who kept watching, I think he enjoyed it, haha!
Tuesday was good, but not nearly as good as Monday. I worked at campus from 6:30 till 2 and then went to stadium and had a meeting from 2:30 - 3:30. I was suppose to work at 5, so I just went out to lobby and laid my head down on a table and slept for like an hour. Woke up and went to work, yeah! Everyone seemed like they were going to snap each others heads off - it was intense. Some disgruntled customer came back and started cussing at Layla, I went over and we both "solved" the problem - the dude was a douche in the biggest sense of the word, and Layla wasn't happy with how it ended, but we got him out of there and thats all that mattered. Got home, showered and chilled out and now I'm just waiting to talk to my girl for a bit before heading off to bed and work in the am!
Blarg!
J-Mo |
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| Great Feelings |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|01:51 pm] |
I just experienced some of the best feelings ever -
1. When you're in the tub and you fill it all the way with hot water then you lay down. You can hear your heart beat, your lungs breath, your voice sounds different, you hear the world in a completely different way and you get really relaxed - its amazing.
2. After you've done 1, stand up and turn on a cool shower. You get light-headed and the water just feels freaking fantastic.
Thats it - I know its probably lame to everyone else, but I love those feelings and I feel so freakin relaxed right now its awesome. |
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| Poem I found |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|01:02 pm] |
Here's a poem I found, I think its fitting because of the timing. I'll get into that more though, later and closer to that date.
Shifting the Sun
When your father dies, say the Irish,
you lose your umbrella against bad weather.
May his sun be your light, say the Armenians
When your father dies, say the Welsh,
you sink a foot deeper into the earth.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Canadians,
you run out of excuses.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the French,
you become your own father.
May you stand up in his light, say the Armenians.
When you father dies, say the Indians,
he comes back as the thunder.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Russians,
he takes your childhood with him.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the English,
you join his club you vowed you wouldn't.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Armenians,
your sun shifts forever.
And you walk in his light.
Diana Der-Hovanessian |
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| Killing time |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|05:40 am] |
So - went and saw War of the Worlds with Layla last night. Decent movie, I liked it, yeah for a good classic adaptation! Then I went to Steak N Shake with Caitlin and we both talked about our significant others for like an hour or so. So I've been thinking (in a good way too!) about my future with Bethany. I could see some changes in the future, as in after my graduation/b-day future, but still, thats a lot to think about.
I'm realizing more and more just how much she means to me, and I think I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world, woot woot!
Anyhoo - got to sleep at like 12:30, plenty of time for my 7 o'clock shift, then 4:30 comes and Dave from Campus is calling - guess who goes in to help out truck, haha. So I'm going off of 4 hours of sleep, have a 7-4 shift and then I get to go back in tonight and do machine, but I'll be deliming and teaching Layla so hopefully it won't be a long lonely machine, just a long one. I was aiming at doing in Friday, but she has to run shift and I have to do it tonight, or else it will lock up - crappers, just my luck.
Well I'm going to go shave and then I dunno - something. |
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| Today's going pretty good |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
So today has been a blast of luck and achievement thus far:
Cycle Extreme said they'd help us out with the bike ride, Sam's will match what we make hopefully
I got off work at 3 instead of 7 and I was up front instead of in grill.
I'm really liking Howie Day's Collide.
And now I'm d/ling some Halo maps and getting ready to relax a bit before the movie.
"Collide"
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
I dunno what it is - the music or the lyrics or how it all blends together - but I keep listening to it and its so comforting.
Oh well - I'm off to play some Halo.
Peace out homies
J-Mo |
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| iffy |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|08:17 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Howie Day - Collide | ] |
So - I had trouble sleeping after my wonderful nap. I dunno, maybe its because I took a nap, but I'm up at 8am to go start working on bike ride stuff. Waiting on Sathish to get here so we can start. Working some today, then a bunch of us from work are going to the movies, YEAH! After that - who knows.
I'm finally training someone on the machine at work too - and it won't be an awkward experience, so that helps. I go back to campus on August 15th for the semester I'm told, but I'm trying to stay at Stadium for the weekends, we'll see, blah.
And as I've been saying for awhile now, chicks confuse me. Yes I said chicks and yes they do confuse me, build a bridge (which is becoming my new favorite phrase).
I talked to Meghean yesterday too, as previously stated, and she gave me some advice to get through this rut I'm stuck in. Its good advice, because its worked once before - I just don't know if I want to follow it, I will for awhile at least to let things cool the fuck down, but who knows what the future holds - blah!
Peace out Homies (from N.D. - I'm not a wankster)
Josh |
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| The beginning of the end? |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
So i just woke up from my nap. Thats right - i took a nap, which means I was sleeping and it was a nice deep peaceful sleep until Vomund called and woke me up. I feel bad though - I didn't answer the phone, haha. I'm feeling more and more refreshed, a complete turn-around from just 24 hours earlier, so I think whatever has been messing with me is gone.
Maybe its that I got through a high-stress period of work (for me anyway). Maybe its that the Sara situation is resolved, at some length, for now. Maybe its because I'll get to see my girl in less than a week. Maybe its cause I got a hug today. Maybe its cause I did something productive that wasn't for McDonalds. I dunno - but I'm feeling better and better and it feels fucking great.
I talked to Meghean tonight. I miss my Meghean, a lot, things are well for her. She says she's going to write Sam - haha, we'll see, I hope so though. As is well in Clinton I've heard - which is good I suppose.
Catch 22 is cracking my shit up - I love that book, its just got a tough part to get through and then you're into the glory.
I'm finally doing laundry - I need it.
I like hyphens, even when I use them wrong. Josh Heart Hyphen (-)!!!!
I'm going to go get Taco Bell now, because 1. I'm starved, 2. I Don't want to go to McD's and 3. Its so much closer.
PS Jack rocks! |
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| Stressed the F out |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|08:36 am] |
So I've been stressed beyond belief the past few days. I haven't been acting Josh-like and the such. I'm taking a small personal hiatus from most stuff to get myself back in focus.
Today feels like a new day!
Josh |
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| Haha |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|01:21 am] |
So - no new life plan. I suck.
I'm having issues falling asleep at night. Tonight its both internal and external - assholes keep shooting off fireworks in front of my window and I just can't fall asleep anyhoo.
I'm working a lot, bored at night, miss Bethany and hate bills.
BLAH
I need to start working on that paper soon.
Josh |
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| New Life Plan |
[May. 9th, 2005|12:50 am] |
So - as usual per every couple of months I'm taking upon myself to make a new life plan. This time (as usual too) I plan on actually carrying it out. Its going to be done using a method I've learned in my strategic planning class. I'm going to take a look at all the areas of my life and then try to arrange it so I can better myself with them or something.
Its very rough right now, but I'm going to be working on it over this week and plan to start it as soon as its done.
I'll let you all know what it is when I'm done.
Josh |
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| Life Path Number - I dunno, sounds sorta like me |
[May. 3rd, 2005|11:45 am] |
Your Life Path Number Is 7 |
7
You are a peaceful and affectionate soul... and by nature rather reserved and analytical.
The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown.
You will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find.
Intellectual, scientific and studious, you don't accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at you own independent conclusion.
This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams.
You dislike crowds, noise and confusion.
You are very thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to be a meet a high standard of performance, too.
You evaluate situations very quickly and with amazing accuracy.
You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone.
Your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you are one who tends to follow the directions they seem to guide.
It's easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people.
You aren't one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it's for life.
You really aren't a very social person, and your reserve is often taken to be aloofness.
You actually like being alone, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life.
In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic.
In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive.
A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences.
A negative 7 is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration.
The negative 7 is very selfish and spoiled.
If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of.
At your worst, you feel that the world really does owe you something - or in some way you aren't being fairly treated.
Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits.
This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows.
Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.
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| Ugh - I hate stuffiness and coughing |
[May. 2nd, 2005|03:58 pm] |
So i'm sitting at McD's because I'm blocked in and I wonder why is it so f-ing cold in May. I've got a stuffed up nose, a cough that won't go away and my advil cold and sinus is about to run out. I'm dreading later tonight when it wears off - it's gonna suck.
Anyway - I've 1 test this week, 2 next week and then I'm free till the fall, then its not that much of constraint on me. I've been thinking about graduation though, and as I see it, it looks like the culmination of many people's work, dedication and support. I've also been having weird rememberances of stuff growing up, its not freaking me out, but its of some of the randomness stuff.
Oh well, I'm wanting to go home, hopefully I can now.
Bye world |
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| here I go changing my mind again |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|01:29 pm] |
So I'm walking after class and I remember what JB told me in his e-mail. Its about various stuff, but now I think I'm gonna just graduate in December and go to work for McD's while I'm here. When I leave, I leave so thats that. Yeah - that made sense.
I've even started on "securing" this decision. I canceled my appointment with Dr. Lee today and I'm going to tell the CK guys thanks but no thanks. When it comes down to it, its about money and I hate it, but its true. I can't really afford to stay in school and keep racking up debt and student loans. Even if the salary is little, its a starting point and its way more than I'm making right now.
So my plan until December is this:
1. Finish this damned semester
2. Work at Stadium over the summer
3. Do my topics paper over the summer
4. Work 40 hours or so a week at Stadium next semester while taking 7 hours of actual class.
5. Help out with HC, Empathy Dinner, Bike Ride and our Philanthropy - after that (so Novemberish) I'm going to ask to go salary.
6. Graduate
7. If I haven't gone salary yet, go salary and work and enter the "real world."
Thus an easy 7 step program which is really me just waiting till the end of the damned year. I'm so impatient with crap like this. Why can't I just fast-forward time to then. I'm not going to really learn anything new in any of my classes next semester except maybe about how African Tribes fought back in the day, but whats that going to do for me in the future?
I'm tired, I've been up since 3:30 and I won't be able to go to bed till after freakin chapter tonight. The only reason I'm going is to install Jack, and we're doing bylaw crap tonight (fun fun). Jack will be the man to handle it, so maybe I'll just cut out?
I realize that my view is going to change on this later on, but it doesn't matter. I'm not going to be an econ major now, so I'm not going to be staying in school. I'm out of here in 8 months. Jeez - thats a long ass time.
Josh |
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| I've needed to write in here for awhile now |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
Alrighty - so in the past 2 weeks I've made up choices that will effect my life like 80 times over now. So although its still not finalized, I'm hoping it will be by the end of this week.
So here's my dilema (sp?)
I decided to pick econ up as a second degree, and when I did a salary position at a McD's opened up. So the basic choice was: go to school or take the salary position? What I made it out to be was the following: Go to School or Go Work? If go to school do I stay at McD's or find a job elsewhere? If I go to work do I stay in columbia or do I go to Oklahoma City?
Thats the basic gist of it. I'll inform you all of my basic decision right now. I am staying in school. For work I plan on staying at McD's though I'm hopefully transferring to Stadium. I'm hoping to go salary after December, and thus work and go to school. I want to talk to the higher ups to work out a deal where I am on a lower salary but I don't have to work as much. I don't know how well that'll work, but I'm ohping they'll work with me on it.
Tonight though I have to go to Country Kitchen to interview. I feel bad now because I seriously doubt I'm gonna take the job because of the simple hourly potential I have at Stadium (if I don't get the salary) and although it does make sense to go where the more money is, I've got a good thing going for me at the McD's and I think it'll pay off for me later on. Not saying CK won't, but what I want to end up doing in the long term I think McD's will be the better choice.
So why am I picking up an econ degree you may be asking me right now? Its simple - Econ is a very versatile major and the skills I'll develop in the major will aid me in the ultimate goal of being a consultant for a hospitality company. I currently hae plenty of options open to me with HRM, but with the econ degree I'll have another set of options to look at and what I want to get is the options that are shared between the two. When I graduate with my HRM degree, I should be making $30,000 a year, with an Econ Degree is $40,000 a year. I'm hoping to find a job where I can get the $40,000 while staying in my favorite industry of all time!
The main issue with me staying in school is of course $$$$. I'm hoping that by moving to Stadium that I'll be able to make more money, enough money to actually save a little or use to pay a bit more of my bills off with and then when I graduate hopefully they'll bump me up to a salaried position or else I'll continue making up cash by being able to work more hours. I am trying to keep my mind open to CK, I'm sure they have a lot to offer, but again, my preference would be with McD's. I'm going to hear what they offer me and then talk to the higher ups. Hopefully we'll be able to work out a deal that we both can live with - otherwise I'll probably be heading off to CK to start off there.
Who knows what'll happen - but one thing is for freakin sure. I'll know by Friday what the hell I'm doing for real or else I'm gonna shoot myself after Music Fest.
I'd only like to thank all of you whom I've bugged constantly for the past few weeks with these questions and changing decisions and all that. I appreciate your input, your shoulder and your ears to listen with. Whatever happens though, I'm only hoping that I'll be happy with it. |
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| Contemplation and relaxation |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|05:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
So last night was insanely soothing to me. I don't know why for a number of things didn't go well but Bethany and I talked for a long long time and though our 6 month anniversary was one of the roughest days of our relationship at points, I think it's actually moved up to a different level. I didn't sleep well last night, but I felt completely rested this morning; after having to run outside to roll my windows up in the car and getting soaked.
But enough with what didn't work well last night, we talked just about stuff - it reminded me of times during High School "pre-D" era. I can honestly say that I have only talked like that with one other person and our bond is more than friendship, but on a different level than what you're thinking (we're Brothers!) But all day today, I've felt like I haven't a care in the world, everything seems to have just slinked off of me. For once I feel like I'm in a point in my life where everything is going well. Money isn't an issue, classes are going well, Pi Kappa Phi is rolling and I've got challenges to overcome with it, PSP is wrapping up and I'm contemplating picking up an Econ degree and staying in school for a couple more semesters if its possible to complete it, work is going well and I'm not to worried about anything else.
This whole weekend has been filled with good discussion. Jack and I talked for like 2 and a half hours on Friday on the steps of Jesse. Formal was fun, the party at Barreto's was for the most part enjoyable, and then the big 6 month was pretty special. I've thought of some consistent themes through life that I'll be writing more about like the role money should play in deciding what one does with their life, my views on my future, and other random stuff. |
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